Sex and other sex-linked plays are some major activities in a marriage that keep intimacy in check. And most people are scared of losing this aspect of marriage.
Menopause is a stage of a woman’s life when her ovaries stop releasing eggs and her monthly ovulatory period is halted. This period is characterized by many hurdles, including most women’s sex urge and libido declining.
By saying most, I mean aging women, especially those that just passed menopause. There’s always a question: “Will I still have the urge?” “Can I satisfy my husband?” “Will I be satisfied?” These and many more are the questions that might linger in the mind of menopausal women and the questions this article aims to answer.
The menopausal period for women comes with a lot of challenges. While a lady may have greater freedom at home during this period, many changes occur, and their effects are very glaring.
It is not new that a woman becomes sexually unattractive if she doesn’t tackle the abdominal accumulation of weight before menopause. But, it doesn’t end here; other hormonal changes during this stage restructures a woman’s sexual habit, which can go a long way. Most times, intimacy and marriages are threatened.
The drop in a woman’s libido during menopause is also psychological, especially for women that have given birth to a child or children.
This drop happens because, mentally and emotionally, a woman is drawn to her kids. And although it doesn’t directly affect the urge to have sex, psychologically, it becomes less of a priority as other things top the chart.
Not craving sex as you should always affect your sex drive. That is why a very angry man can easily overcome seduction or refuse sex because his mind is reconditioned within that split second, and until he reconditions his mind, sex wouldn’t matter.
Why Women’s Libido Drop during Menopause
Based on research and various complaints, the lovey-dovey butterfly sensation seen in newlyweds does not last forever. It is not because they hate or stop loving each other. No, it’s far, far from that.
Certain anatomical and physiological changes affect the entire sexual process as we age. Most women reach menopause after giving birth to many children, including teenagers or young adults.
Of course, priorities will change, but every couple still wants to keep having sexual fun and maintaining intimacy until their strength cannot take them anymore.
Here we will discuss certain factors that affect a woman’s libido during menopause.
Massive drop in estrogen level
During menopause, it has been discovered that there is a massive decline in the number of sex hormones produced and released. This decline helps stop women’s reproductive cycle, but it also has a massive effect on their sexual function.
This decline in hormonal level often lowers the sexual desire of the woman, making it extra difficult for her to be aroused. Also, cases of dryness of the vagina are being reported.
Sometimes, the vaginal canal becomes less stretchy and dry, leading to painful intercourse. Now you’d agree with me that no one will want to repeat painful sexual intercourse.
This massive drop in estrogen level is one of the main reasons some menopausal women cannot have the desired sexual pleasure they crave. As a result, orgasm becomes a myth to them.
A menopausal woman’s inability to reach orgasm may stem from a lack of interest in having sex. If the sex is consistently painful, the woman will begin to lose interest gradually, and the loss of interest will affect orgasm too.
Childbirth, Lack of Energy or Old-age
As individuals age, their energy levels are greatly reduced. Although this rarely affects a woman, most women are still fairly strong during menopause. Menopause comes with distress and illness for some women.
Because women are more susceptible to diseases as they age, certain factors relating to sicknesses can impede smooth sexual fun and orgasm for women in menopause.
The anatomy of women that have given birth before menopause changes with each birth. Sometimes, it causes certain chronic illnesses and injuries, which can deplete energy, cause severe physical pain, and lower the body image, preventing orgasm.
Physical Changes and Dysfunctions
Although most people are of the idea that sexual drive remains the same for women after menopause, the truth is, there are always certain changes and exceptions, of course.
Physical changes such as vagina inelasticity due to multiple pregnancies, urine leakage, less clitoral sensitivity, erectile dysfunction, and other changes such as vaginal dryness affect a woman’s sexual performance and drive during menopause. However, many women still have enough sex normally in their 59s and beyond.
Having said all these, you can still be intimate with your partner beyond 55 without any issue. Although some people use lubricants and certain measures, others still enjoy sex without any preventive measures.
Can Reduced Libido Cause Marital Issues?
Sex is a topic that is not talked about enough. Some “third world” couples even try to hide their sex life and its impact; most times, it backfires, and they wish they had talked about it.
One fact we cannot ignore is that most women face diverse challenges regarding sex, mostly as they get older. Although some younger women also have issues regarding sex drive and intimacy, it is more prevalent in women who have reached menopause and often affects their marriages and relationships.
Women who experience difficulty enjoying sex due to the many effects of menopause end up having low libido. This low libido leads to lesser sexual fantasies, and sometimes they become uninterested, leaving their partners lonely since they cannot satisfy their partner’s sexual desires.
So, it’d often lead to sexual inactivity between couples. Sometimes, the man might understand, but then, for how long? Men without good control over their urges might be forced to sleep outside, and although this is inexcusable, they are humans.
Lack of sex also reduces the intimacy between couples, and as much as these women try, they still cannot satisfy their partners the way they should. The truth is the blow dealt by a low sex drive impacts both people in a relationship. The man is devastated, and the woman is unhappy, which are early signs of a relationship that is about to break.
I’ve seen cases where women take many steps to get their sex drive back and save their homes, but the emotional and physical attachment begins to go down the drain gradually.
As basic as this sounds, many homes have been broken, partners have cheated, and marriages have been sad because of low sex drive and sexual satisfaction. Reduced libido can cause grave relationship issues, but you need not worry; certain steps can come to your aid.
Low sex drive can also negatively affect your partner. They may begin to see themselves as undesirable and lacking sexual fulfillment, and this thinking can lead to relationship difficulties. The good thing is that several steps can help you curtail the issue of low sex drive and preserve your home and happiness.
Communicate with your partner
Communication cannot be overemphasized in any relationship, be it sexual or wholly platonic. The first step in a declining sexual relationship should be communication.
Cases of low sexual drive can be classified as Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder, and the fact that it is called a disorder means you have little or no control over it.
The first step you should take when you notice a declining sexual desire is to talk to your partner. Many might ask, “what exactly am I to tell my partner?” Well, as a lady experiencing menopausal changes, you sure have a lot to say, and to be honest, you shouldn’t hold back.
You have to say everything the way it is. If you’re experiencing pain, you must tell your partner, and there’s no shame. If the person loves you, you’d always find a way around it.
What communication does is that it keeps your partner at peace, it solves the mystery of insecurities, and it reminds your partner that you still love him.
Many women wait for their partner to ask what’s wrong, but the truth is that some men will assume. Although it is not right to assume, it is only fair that you realize that you might be the only one who knows what you feel, and until you speak out, it might all be assumptions.
Men should also take responsibility and try to ask or understand why their spouses act weirdly sexually instead of acting on insecurities.
Talk to your doctor
There is a massive advancement in the sexual health of women and men. This incline means that medical precaution may successfully treat many Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder-related health issues.
If you or your partner experiences a low sex drive, the first step is to see a doctor. Sometimes the issue might be very mild, and a few precautionary measures and drugs might take your loveliness back to the fantasy. Other times, it might be more serious; medical intervention is always your best shot.
Depending on your first deduction, you could book an appointment with your gynecologist, primary healthcare physician, or psychiatrist. You could even meet them all if you are capable.
Each of these experts should be able to access you well and come up with a solution when the problem is identified. One big mistake most women make is to downplay the effect of declining sexual urges. You should act and act fast before it gets worse.
Moreso, there is absolutely nothing shameful about it. If it makes you feel better, these people you seek help from are professionals whose only occupational purpose is to attend to problems similar to yours.
Sexual life and sexual health are wholly emotional, and it can affect the state of one’s mental stability negatively if it goes wrong. It happens because a declining sexual desire leads to feelings of melancholy, low self-esteem, relationship issues, and mental stress, so you must see a health professional as soon as you notice any healthy sexual issues.
Start researching and be prepared.
Many people reading this article might scroll past and say, well, I don’t have low libido, so I don’t need this. Sorry to say, no one plans for it. Even if it doesn’t happen to you, other people around you might need the information too.
One thing about the low sex drive during menopause is that you cannot escape it because almost everyone will pass through that stage, but the good thing is that it can be prevented and curtailed with the right set of information and research.
It would help if you started researching, listening to professional podcasts, reading journals, asking questions from your doctor, and being prepared before menopause.
This issue is not just limited to married women on the verge of menopause. As a married man, you should research the necessary skill and knowledge for your wife and father so that you’d be prepared if it happens.
If you’re already facing this issue, you don’t have to accept it because it is wholly treatable. All you need is the right information and the right professional.
Knowing who to meet is also key. Thanks to technological advancement, you can now access information in the comfort of your home, and so it is easier to communicate and find the right contact or idea that can help with your very curable situation.
How To Make A Woman Have Orgasm After Menopause
Sometimes we want to have sex badly, but due to the fear of not reaching orgasm or the inability to drive your partner to orgasm, many women are known to have given up on their sex life during menopause. I’ve seen a lot of women abstain for reasons like this.
For some, their spouse is cool with abstinence, and for others, it leads to a breakdown in their relationship.
What if I tell you as a man that even if your wife has reached menopause, you can make her give those sounds that depict the deepest sexual desire? What if I tell you that certain sexual routines and foreplay can give you orgasm as a woman even in your 50s?
Well, there are many things we can focus on to give us the ideal sexual experience even in old age. It is good to note that not making orgasm your main priority during sex will help you reach orgasm faster psychologically.
Below are tips women in menopause can apply for a more pleasurable sexual experience.
Ensure the room temperature is considerably low.
One thing about sex is that the mood has to be right and the atmosphere perfect, especially when either one of you is having difficulty or a low sex drive. It is very important to set the temperature right.
Having sex in hot weather is not ideal, considering the sweaty and sticky nature. It could even be tiring and more exhausting, which can kill the mood, but as I said, the mood has to be right.
Putting your AC on or having a fan in the room can help put the atmosphere in check. You can also stay hydrated throughout the day to keep yourself in shape.
Some experts have also recommended the use of ice cubes during sex. This method can come in the foreplay and seduction process; at some point, the cooling sensation can enhance libido for some women.
Make use of Lubricants.
The declining levels of estrogen and progesterone in the body of menopausal women inhibit the normal lubrication of the vagina.
Lubrication enhances free penetration, but friction often leads to painful intercourse without lubrication.
Vaginal dryness is one of the most predominant physical changes experienced by women during menopause. Intercourse with a dry vagina is often painful for the woman, and most times, it detests the process and reduces her sex drive or even sex wants greatly.
This problem can be solved by simply applying a lubricant before sex. It would help ease the way, reduce friction and enhance pleasure. Applying lubricants alone can lead to orgasm from clitoral stimulation and touching.
Take time to kiss, touch and caress
One of the reasons why orgasm is harder for menopausal women is that the hormonal changes have made it more difficult for them to be aroused. And if you’re not aroused before sex or in the mood, you’d regret your experience because sex is more emotional for women, unlike men.
Studies have shown that cuddling and touching make you more connected with your partner. This increases trust, makes the woman feel safer and speeds up arousal.
You shouldn’t be in haste, be calm and gentle as though you have the whole time in the world, and go with the flow. You and your partner should take turns in massages. You guys could touch and kiss in the process, talk dirty and say sexually arousing things.
You could talk about your sexual fantasies or past sexual experiences together. There is no stiff way to go about things during sex. It just has to go with the mood and atmosphere, although all the above measures have proven effective.
Try some direct stimulation.
One of the effects of menopause is the inhibition of proper blood flow to the vagina and clitoris. This reduced backflow leads to reduced sensitivity in the region. Hence, it becomes more difficult for the woman to reach orgasm. Most women ambitious with this issue will have sex but are not always satisfied.
This problem, however, can be solved by direct stimulation and touching. It may take a while, but with patience, your spouse will reach orgasm eventually.
Here are certain stimulation processes that would aid your sexual process.
- Rubbing and touching
You could begin by rubbing or touching. Sometimes your partner should apply lubricants to your clits while stroking them. Doing this will not just enhance orgasm but also reduce friction. There are a lot of methods for clitoral stimulation and stroking that can drive even a 55year old to orgasm.
- Oral sex
Yes, even a 50-year-old woman can be given oral sex. Sometimes, it might be her only hope. Oral sex helps stimulates the clips, and it aids in lubrication also. It will also enhance the equal process and make the woman more enjoyable.
Is the loss of sex drive linked to any particular stage of menopause?
Low libido can occur at any stage of menopause, from the early to the late stage.
At what age does vaginal dryness start?
Vaginal dryness can occur at any age, although it is more common after menopause. It is most common in women of ages 55 and above.
What percentage of women experience low sex drive during menopause?
Based on research and cases reported, the issue of low libido is very common among women, especially those in menopause. According to surveys, about 59%.
Why do some menopausal women urinate during intercourse?
Although it is not ideal, urinating during sex is common amongst women during menopause. It happens due to excessive pressure on the stomach during sex.
Feeling extra pressure on the belly can cause peeing during sex. You can solve this problem by urinating before sex or changing your sex position.
At what age is it common to lose interest in sex?
The idea that there is an age where women lose total interest in sex is false, although, during menopause, certain physiological changes and challenges might affect a woman’s desire to have sex.
Menopause occurs for most women from about 44 to 55. This period is most challenging for certain women.
Do I still need to practice safe sex after menopause?
Some women view menopause as a free ticket to unprotected sex, but this is untrue. It would be best if you had protection now more than ever for two main reasons.
Firstly, it is needed because of the risk of sexually transmitted infection.
Secondly, there is still a slim probability that you’d conceive as some women release eggs periodically during menopause.
Unlike a young girl, it is very unsafe to conceive during menopause. Also, it might lead to your conception of an abnormal child or serious health issues, so be careful and safe.
What causes pain during intercourse?
Pain during sex can be caused by vaginal dryness due to menopause or natural cause. Painful intercourse is also experienced by women who have had surgeries before.
How can I overcome pain during intercourse?
Sex is meant to be very pleasurable; hence, pain during sex is abnormal. So, you should seek medical care as soon as you notice abnormal sexual pain.
You might use lubricants for a dry vagina, but sometimes, it is more than that. You should see your doctor.